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I Want to Die Loving You CD

confessor 1200pxEsza met producer Paul Freegard and the EP I Want to Die Loving You  was born. Three of the four songs they worked on Esza had just written at Burning Man and the marriage of London and the US Southwest desert began. The results are a dark, electronic blend of lush landscapes with some of the best synth sounds to be found in London. Flavors of Depeche Mode and Siouxsie Sioux are everywhere to be found. Esza finds a tone in this album that is intimate and loving even though she addresses her fears about connection and meaning.

"Hauntingly beautiful soundscape lush & rich with emotion. An exquisite tapestry woven with threads of sorrow & joy, lust & enchantment, sin & redemption, pleasure & pain. In a trance like state I feel myself slip under this warm inviting blanket from which I never want to leave."
              ~ Bianca Olson



Esza's exploration of the soul within the flesh asks many questions; what does it mean to be a soul embodied on this planet? Do we own our bodies, and can our bodies be owned or promised to another? Life's lessons for the soul are acted out on flesh's stage, where the fallout can often be messy. Esza details (and ultimately celebrates) the battles and lessons that our bodies encounter, including the ever-present question of monogamy.

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The fear of solitude, while primal and necessary for certain kinds of survival, can also bog us down. We fear being alone inside our own bodies and left to face ourselves completely. To look for comfort externally is a hopeless search, yielding only unsatisfying relationships in which we count on the other to continue our illusions. Esza's meditation on these themes reminds us that our most satisfying relationships are the ones we nurture within ourselves.

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In our Western culture, the prevailing action and energy of God is martyrdom, raising questions of life, death, and the boundaries of sacrifice. One person's love for another raises her into this realm of spirit, where sacrifice is natural and common. While wanting to sacrifice for love of another is a miracle, the willingness to sacrifice liberally for that person must be balanced with the understanding that some battles of the soul can only be fought firsthand.

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We can be left physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted when we deal with the increasingly stressful demands placed on us by an extreme consumer society. During the day, we work hard pursuing ultimate comfort, which often never arrives. Esza sings about shedding the frenetic energy of commerce and letting loose in night's welcoming calm. She invites us to give in to abandon, passion and sometimes hedonism while ultimately pursuing creativity, the guiding force of life.

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